I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
