a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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