Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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