; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it glows. i had to have it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
