Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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