This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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