i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize