Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
