I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
