The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
