I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
