is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
