i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
