I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
