I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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