I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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