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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
