how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
