Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There r osticjed everywhere
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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