Don't make out with my wife yet
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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