i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
