she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
