bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
