i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
