I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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