Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i came on her dog
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize