I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
