life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
