I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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