About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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