Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
