when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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