just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize