oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That was before I lit my hair on fire
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
