if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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