forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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