I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
