The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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