At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize