I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
