nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
