Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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