I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
