found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
