barbara walters just said penis...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
