last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
