So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
