yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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