Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
