I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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