The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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