Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
