maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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