you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Holy sore nipples Batman
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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