omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
