Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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