I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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