I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
