oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
