My first STD was from a foam party
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
