id be glad to
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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