I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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