It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
