Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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