how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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