You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
