You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
barbara walters just said penis...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
