My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
as a side note pls kill me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
