Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
