Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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