why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
