In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize