9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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