ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
