please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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