This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
no. you can't hotbox the world.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
