I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
