How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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