dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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