You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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