Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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