THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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