I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize