speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
honey bunches of taint.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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