They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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