Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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