Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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