Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
