Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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