remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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