If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
