The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
