So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
