He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
