Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
