just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I want a musical about memes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
