bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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