dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
