bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
