I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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