I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
