Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
