I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
