More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have demons in me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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