the new term for farting is butt boxing.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
