And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
